Conversations With A Mad Man


Does Brad Pitt clean his Toilet?

Posted by Tsach Gilboa on July 7, 2011 at 9:26 PM

Does Brad Pitt Clean his Toilet?

So, here I was on my knees scrubbing the toilet in my apartment. It seemed like the right thing to do after being awakened, third day in a row, by the twins across the way in the next apartment building–one that if I spit at, I could not miss. The young couple–parental units of said twins– moved there a few years ago, and with the exception of a few occasional broadcasts of late night loud and bad music, we had no issues. But then they went ahead and decided to reproduce–not that there is anything wrong with it, in and of itself, after all I did with great results. The problem started when the babies started actually interacting with them, which clearly left them as a complete loss. All I could deduce is that they never got the second part of the owners’ manual, the one that deals with what you do with babies after you figured out how to actually make them.

As a result, these two kids decided to wake up at around 6:00AM–seven days a week, holidays included–and proceed to cry, wine, scream and cry/wine again for good measure, waking me up hours ahead of schedule in the process. Hence me scrubbing the toilet at 6:00AM one fair morning when a thought hit me with category 6 Hurricane force: “Does Brad Pitt clean his toilet?”

No, you are wrong! I’m not specifically picking on Mr. Pitt. I happen to like and respect him as an actor–his most recent performance in “The Tree of Life” is nothing short of spectacular, the biggest compliment being that one can hardly recognize him in that role or confuse it with his usual strikingly handsome leading man ones. His humanitarian efforts and generosity with his fellow man, woman and child is simply the icing on the cake. Having also reproduced with the lovely Ms. Jolie, just adds on top of his other accomplishments, much needed beauty to our small planet.

However, that still did not stop me from taking a much-needed break and ponder our different lives. I realized with complete certainty that I would delight in traveling, supporting and assisting the lovely Ms. Jolie in her humanitarian efforts in Africa and elsewhere. I would equally delight in participating in the good work that is the reconstruction of homes in New Orleans, as well as a plethora of other good charitable endeavors. I would also not mind in the least having someone to clean and scrub my toilets (both of them, yes I actually have two, one for each bedroom), and the kitchen and vacuum and dust and do the laundry and cook meals and clear the table and wash dishes after and... Come to think of it, a weekly massage would definitely be appreciated. Having a trainer to hold gravity and muscle loss at bay would be very nice indeed (I would not mind reclaiming that body I used to have in high school and college and before the marriage–toned and muscled by exercise, track and swimming–girls sure liked that long lost body). And if I thought about it a little longer, I’m sure I would come up with a much longer list–maybe Brad can help? One ting I am certain of: the paparazzi and loss of privacy I would definitely prefer to do without, as should Brad Pitt and Co. be able to as well. But alas, such was not to be my life, at least not at present!

So, back to reality, there I was post the vacuuming and in the middle of scrubbing the toilet with environment friendly cleaners–yes I do care what kind of planet we leave the next generation, which includes my one and only son and heir–wondering about those that don’t have to do all that. Those people, that have other people to do all those life chores for them some by marrying the right woman and some who can simply afford to purchase those services in the open market (I am specifically excluding those other people who just don’t do any of it at all, choosing instead to live in filth and chaos. We don’t like them and we don’t talk about them either). I was specifically wondering about those that don’t have to do life chores but also don’t do all the extracurricular things that Brad does. What do they do? How do they spend heir days? Quite a mystery, don’t you think?

Just imagine if all of them/us spend a little of the spare time we have, or don’t have, doing something nice and good for others in and for our immediate community. Just imagine how that would cascade and exponentially multiply. Just imagine how it would make our world better. I bet you that if we all did a little, the collective impact would change the world.

Categories: Apartment Living - A Survival Guide

Post a Comment


Oops, you forgot something.


The words you entered did not match the given text. Please try again.

Already a member? Sign In